gottfried leibniz's lack of optimism

when I lost my mind
i used to dream in monologues
of endless walks
through crowded city blocks

and I when I lost my mind
there was no need for alcohol,
the unbalanced chemicals in my head
kept me in mired in self loathing

but I never felt so alive and raw
it must have been the pain
or the despair
take your pick

after this,
all the thoughts spoken
should have stayed
buried deep 

I'm sorry for it all
I'm living day to day
I got to admit it getting better 
Getting so much better all the time